Series of Unfortunate Events

On December 22nd we went for our second ultrasound. Dr. Cone found a heartbeat, but said there were a couple of things not measuring correctly. He told us to come back in 2 weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. Monday was the follow-up. From the information we got from him, I went on the web and looked in the books I have and found lots of information, with nothing positive. From the 22nd u/s, we gathered that the yolk sac was a little bigger than he liked to see and the baby wasn't growing as fast as it should. A heartbeat is a trump so we tried to be as positive as we could with that.

Monday was total HELL! I was nervous all day long. Nick said that he felt like he had my morning sickness on the way to work. I tried to stay positive throughout the entire time, but it's so hard when you don't find any positive information. We made it through a half-day of school and headed for the appointment. My stomach was in knots the entire time. I lay on the bed waiting for the even more dreaded ultrasound for about 20 minutes. Evidently, the doctor was tied up with someone else because we never wait that long. He came in and well, did the wand. I looked on the screen and immediately saw that the sac was not good. I turned to Nick and said, “It's not good.” Dr. Cone didn't say anything for a minute as he searched. He didn't have to say anything because I already knew. You could definitely see the baby, limbs and all, but he said he couldn't find a heartbeat. He told us that we had several options. Wait it out and pass it on our own or do a DNC. He also said that we could have another ultrasound done with a different machine. Right now we are in limbo. I'm waiting to start spotting, but nothing so far. It's pretty much proven on the machine, but doing a DNC without spotting or some “for sure” sign that the pregnancy is over just makes me think abortion. To put our minds at ease, I think it's best that we wait for spotting and to do another ultrasound. I've already heard how traumatizing DNC is as if this hasn't been hard enough already.

Nick is the saving grace behind all of this. He has been amazing once again! Without all his love, support, and uplifting words this would be much harder than anyone would ever dream. We asked how long we would have to wait to start trying again. The doctor said that you need to wait until you are emotionally ready. When we got in the car, Nick asked me what I thought about that. I didn't have an answer. He said that he is ready to start right away! His theory: “When you get bucked off a horse, you get back on it and show them you are the boss. You don't stay off and show them you are whooped! Then they have you beat.” Funny enough, I understand his theory and agree with it.

All of this is out of our control. We know that God has a plan for us and having a baby in August wasn't part of that plan. All we can do is keep our chin up and pray for a healthy baby in the future. This is, by far, the worst feeling in the world, but I can't sit here and feel sorry for us. We have to move on and be strong. Thank you all for the numerous prayers, phone calls, texts, and emails.