I guess you can't help but have those days when trying to deal with our current situation. So far I've been doing rather well. Being a “Tough Cookie” as Nick would say. Last night was rather rough and so was Tuesday night. It just hits me when we are lying in bed together talking about everything and anything. We had so many talks about the fun things we were going to do with our baby and that has all been taken away. Now we are back to talking about what we are going to do with our baby “when” we get pregnant again. I HATE IT!!!
Last night, Steph, Tricia, and I, along with their kiddos went to Chili's. It doesn't make it any easier when you are around and see cute babies all the time. You can't help but think about the baby you no longer have. Of course we are going to start trying whenever we get the go ahead, but that seems like an eternity right now. We've only got 1 week down! Plus, who's to say that we will get pregnant right away? It could take us months to get pregnant this time. The next time we do get pregnant it will be scarier than this last time.
It's absolutely horrible! Sorry for my little pity party.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Our Rollercoaster Ride
Friday was an early morning. We left the house at 5:45am for a repeat scan before we went through with the scheduled D&C. We needed one more scan to ease our minds and reassure us that this pregnancy truly was over. Nurse Becky (absolutely wonderful) said that we needed to be at Women's Imaging Center by 7:30am so that they could squeeze us in. We were in the parking lot at about 6:45am. We checked in and had a little bit of a wait. The doctor came in and did the scan. He was soooo sweet and supportive. He reassured us that we are lucky that we know that we can easily conceive and that lots of his patients are fertility patients. He told us the exact news that we were expecting. We left the Imaging Center and went to Crave, a little café in the building. Nick had breakfast while I watched and drooled!
We were told to check in at Fannin Surgicare at 10:15 to complete paperwork. We were there a bit early and took care of it all. Nick napped in the chair while I read magazines, made calls, texted, and read kind emails. At about 10:30 I was called to go change into my surgery attire. Nick came back and sat with me as I did more paperwork with the anesthesiologist and several other people. Right when I lied on the bed and looked at Nick I started to cry. You could tell he hated to see me in this situation and be in this situation with me. He did a much better job at fighting back the tears than I did. They started doping me up when the nurse told him to give me one last kiss because if he waited any longer I might not remember it! We kissed and they rolled me away. TERRIBLE TERRIBLE feeling! I remember scooting onto another table and people all around me. They told me to think of my favorite vacation spot. St. Lucia! I heard them start talking about how they had Chinese food for lunch and I was gone. When I woke up, Nick was right there. My mouth was so dry and nasty tasting. They brought me a Dr. Pepper right away. Nick helped me change clothes and get me in my wheelchair. He got the car and off we were at about 12:30.
I was starving at this point, but could only eat light food. We stopped at Chik-Fil-A where I ate a disgusting grilled chicken sandwich. We made it home and lied around the rest of the day. Jill and Thomas came to visit for the weekend. After all of the horror stories I've read and heard, I just knew that I was going to be in pain all day. Surprisingly enough, I haven't been in any pain at all since the surgery. Friday we ate at Greek Bros. because I have been craving it for quite some time. Nick doesn't ever want to drive back to El Campo after he's there all day so he promised me that we could go if I was feeling up to it. We went and also stayed around long enough to see Jake get surprised by all of his friends there for his 21st birthday. We got home and crashed until about 10 that morning. Jill and I went to Wal-Mart for a few groceries and then it was more lying around. That night we played several board games to pass the time. Jake and SBG also came to hang out with us. My dear husband sent me a beautiful arrangement of flowers to school Wednesday after our crappy appointment on Tuesday. The flower shop delivered a beautiful cross and angel to our house Friday from my super sweet girlfriend, Stephanie and family. I'll blog about Stephanie and how we became friends another day. (Crazy how the world goes round!) Amy, another sweet girl that I work with brought over a cake on Sunday when we made it back from the Bridal Extravaganza.
This entire ordeal has been a whirlwind. It has been extremely devastating, but our chins are up. Amazingly enough, Nick and I have grown even closer together. Our marriage has been wonderful already, but things like this inevitably bring you even closer than ever. He has taken such good care of me and I love him more than I knew possible.
We were told to check in at Fannin Surgicare at 10:15 to complete paperwork. We were there a bit early and took care of it all. Nick napped in the chair while I read magazines, made calls, texted, and read kind emails. At about 10:30 I was called to go change into my surgery attire. Nick came back and sat with me as I did more paperwork with the anesthesiologist and several other people. Right when I lied on the bed and looked at Nick I started to cry. You could tell he hated to see me in this situation and be in this situation with me. He did a much better job at fighting back the tears than I did. They started doping me up when the nurse told him to give me one last kiss because if he waited any longer I might not remember it! We kissed and they rolled me away. TERRIBLE TERRIBLE feeling! I remember scooting onto another table and people all around me. They told me to think of my favorite vacation spot. St. Lucia! I heard them start talking about how they had Chinese food for lunch and I was gone. When I woke up, Nick was right there. My mouth was so dry and nasty tasting. They brought me a Dr. Pepper right away. Nick helped me change clothes and get me in my wheelchair. He got the car and off we were at about 12:30.
I was starving at this point, but could only eat light food. We stopped at Chik-Fil-A where I ate a disgusting grilled chicken sandwich. We made it home and lied around the rest of the day. Jill and Thomas came to visit for the weekend. After all of the horror stories I've read and heard, I just knew that I was going to be in pain all day. Surprisingly enough, I haven't been in any pain at all since the surgery. Friday we ate at Greek Bros. because I have been craving it for quite some time. Nick doesn't ever want to drive back to El Campo after he's there all day so he promised me that we could go if I was feeling up to it. We went and also stayed around long enough to see Jake get surprised by all of his friends there for his 21st birthday. We got home and crashed until about 10 that morning. Jill and I went to Wal-Mart for a few groceries and then it was more lying around. That night we played several board games to pass the time. Jake and SBG also came to hang out with us. My dear husband sent me a beautiful arrangement of flowers to school Wednesday after our crappy appointment on Tuesday. The flower shop delivered a beautiful cross and angel to our house Friday from my super sweet girlfriend, Stephanie and family. I'll blog about Stephanie and how we became friends another day. (Crazy how the world goes round!) Amy, another sweet girl that I work with brought over a cake on Sunday when we made it back from the Bridal Extravaganza.
This entire ordeal has been a whirlwind. It has been extremely devastating, but our chins are up. Amazingly enough, Nick and I have grown even closer together. Our marriage has been wonderful already, but things like this inevitably bring you even closer than ever. He has taken such good care of me and I love him more than I knew possible.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Series of Unfortunate Events
On December 22nd we went for our second ultrasound. Dr. Cone found a heartbeat, but said there were a couple of things not measuring correctly. He told us to come back in 2 weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. Monday was the follow-up. From the information we got from him, I went on the web and looked in the books I have and found lots of information, with nothing positive. From the 22nd u/s, we gathered that the yolk sac was a little bigger than he liked to see and the baby wasn't growing as fast as it should. A heartbeat is a trump so we tried to be as positive as we could with that.
Monday was total HELL! I was nervous all day long. Nick said that he felt like he had my morning sickness on the way to work. I tried to stay positive throughout the entire time, but it's so hard when you don't find any positive information. We made it through a half-day of school and headed for the appointment. My stomach was in knots the entire time. I lay on the bed waiting for the even more dreaded ultrasound for about 20 minutes. Evidently, the doctor was tied up with someone else because we never wait that long. He came in and well, did the wand. I looked on the screen and immediately saw that the sac was not good. I turned to Nick and said, “It's not good.” Dr. Cone didn't say anything for a minute as he searched. He didn't have to say anything because I already knew. You could definitely see the baby, limbs and all, but he said he couldn't find a heartbeat. He told us that we had several options. Wait it out and pass it on our own or do a DNC. He also said that we could have another ultrasound done with a different machine. Right now we are in limbo. I'm waiting to start spotting, but nothing so far. It's pretty much proven on the machine, but doing a DNC without spotting or some “for sure” sign that the pregnancy is over just makes me think abortion. To put our minds at ease, I think it's best that we wait for spotting and to do another ultrasound. I've already heard how traumatizing DNC is as if this hasn't been hard enough already.
Nick is the saving grace behind all of this. He has been amazing once again! Without all his love, support, and uplifting words this would be much harder than anyone would ever dream. We asked how long we would have to wait to start trying again. The doctor said that you need to wait until you are emotionally ready. When we got in the car, Nick asked me what I thought about that. I didn't have an answer. He said that he is ready to start right away! His theory: “When you get bucked off a horse, you get back on it and show them you are the boss. You don't stay off and show them you are whooped! Then they have you beat.” Funny enough, I understand his theory and agree with it.
All of this is out of our control. We know that God has a plan for us and having a baby in August wasn't part of that plan. All we can do is keep our chin up and pray for a healthy baby in the future. This is, by far, the worst feeling in the world, but I can't sit here and feel sorry for us. We have to move on and be strong. Thank you all for the numerous prayers, phone calls, texts, and emails.
Monday was total HELL! I was nervous all day long. Nick said that he felt like he had my morning sickness on the way to work. I tried to stay positive throughout the entire time, but it's so hard when you don't find any positive information. We made it through a half-day of school and headed for the appointment. My stomach was in knots the entire time. I lay on the bed waiting for the even more dreaded ultrasound for about 20 minutes. Evidently, the doctor was tied up with someone else because we never wait that long. He came in and well, did the wand. I looked on the screen and immediately saw that the sac was not good. I turned to Nick and said, “It's not good.” Dr. Cone didn't say anything for a minute as he searched. He didn't have to say anything because I already knew. You could definitely see the baby, limbs and all, but he said he couldn't find a heartbeat. He told us that we had several options. Wait it out and pass it on our own or do a DNC. He also said that we could have another ultrasound done with a different machine. Right now we are in limbo. I'm waiting to start spotting, but nothing so far. It's pretty much proven on the machine, but doing a DNC without spotting or some “for sure” sign that the pregnancy is over just makes me think abortion. To put our minds at ease, I think it's best that we wait for spotting and to do another ultrasound. I've already heard how traumatizing DNC is as if this hasn't been hard enough already.
Nick is the saving grace behind all of this. He has been amazing once again! Without all his love, support, and uplifting words this would be much harder than anyone would ever dream. We asked how long we would have to wait to start trying again. The doctor said that you need to wait until you are emotionally ready. When we got in the car, Nick asked me what I thought about that. I didn't have an answer. He said that he is ready to start right away! His theory: “When you get bucked off a horse, you get back on it and show them you are the boss. You don't stay off and show them you are whooped! Then they have you beat.” Funny enough, I understand his theory and agree with it.
All of this is out of our control. We know that God has a plan for us and having a baby in August wasn't part of that plan. All we can do is keep our chin up and pray for a healthy baby in the future. This is, by far, the worst feeling in the world, but I can't sit here and feel sorry for us. We have to move on and be strong. Thank you all for the numerous prayers, phone calls, texts, and emails.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Week 6
I found this rather entertaining and very true.
http://3dpregnancy.parentsconnect.com/calendar/6-weeks-pregnant.html
While you won't be able to find out the gender of your baby for several more weeks, the version you'll give birth to is being determined right now. Of course, your mother-in-law already knows it'll be a boy. And your sister is sure that it's a girl. And the medical expert that is your 5-year-old nephew says it's absolutely a boy (and if it's a girl, he doesn't want anything to do with it). Isn't it wonderful how clairvoyant people are?
Wondering what's up with your body, your baby and your life this week?
What You're Thinking: "If I put my head in my hands and stare down at my desk, it'll look like I'm working really hard and nobody will know I'm actually sleeping."
*(This has definitely gone through my head several times! Too bad that the 19 kids in my class watch my every move!)
Your Body
You may be feeling super-tired or nauseous (or super-tired and nauseous-lucky you!) and your boobs are most likely killing you. *(Definitely killing me!) This is due to the myriad of hormones raging through your body at levels rivaling a teenage boy's.
If you can't stay awake for the second half of Grey's Anatomy, blame it on the baby. Extreme exhaustion is often one of the first signs of pregnancy, and while your body will probably regain some of its strength by the time you enter your second trimester, you might find yourself nodding off during Dr. McDreamy's love scenes ... or worse, yours!
Your Baby
This week starts a period of rapid cellular development for your baby-to-be, who looks like a mini tadpole, with a tiny head and tail. His or her eyes, ears and mouth have begun to form (though they're a little more Discovery Channel "creatures of the sea" documentary than Gerber Baby at this point).
Other exciting milestones include:
Your baby's heart is now beating to a regular beat, although it's still too faint to hear.
His or her arm buds are just beginning to, well, bud. They look like teensy swollen bumps at this point. In a few days, they'll resemble itsy-bitsy flippers.
Your baby has grown to ⅛ inch long-about the size of one of the chocolate sprinkles on your last cupcake (and your last ice cream cone, and your last sundae and your last giant cookie ... maybe there is something to those rumors about pregnancy cravings!).
*(No lie about the sweets. The "Double Doozie" I had on Monday probably wasn't a good idea, but the baby wanted it! J)
On another note, I had my belly touched for the first time by a co-worker today. How annoying! She's a good friend of mine, so it really didn't bother me. I just told her that it's just the fat that was there before! For all of the women out there...if I have ever touched your belly before you started to show, I'm so sorry!
http://3dpregnancy.parentsconnect.com/calendar/6-weeks-pregnant.html
While you won't be able to find out the gender of your baby for several more weeks, the version you'll give birth to is being determined right now. Of course, your mother-in-law already knows it'll be a boy. And your sister is sure that it's a girl. And the medical expert that is your 5-year-old nephew says it's absolutely a boy (and if it's a girl, he doesn't want anything to do with it). Isn't it wonderful how clairvoyant people are?
Wondering what's up with your body, your baby and your life this week?
What You're Thinking: "If I put my head in my hands and stare down at my desk, it'll look like I'm working really hard and nobody will know I'm actually sleeping."
*(This has definitely gone through my head several times! Too bad that the 19 kids in my class watch my every move!)
Your Body
You may be feeling super-tired or nauseous (or super-tired and nauseous-lucky you!) and your boobs are most likely killing you. *(Definitely killing me!) This is due to the myriad of hormones raging through your body at levels rivaling a teenage boy's.
If you can't stay awake for the second half of Grey's Anatomy, blame it on the baby. Extreme exhaustion is often one of the first signs of pregnancy, and while your body will probably regain some of its strength by the time you enter your second trimester, you might find yourself nodding off during Dr. McDreamy's love scenes ... or worse, yours!
Your Baby
This week starts a period of rapid cellular development for your baby-to-be, who looks like a mini tadpole, with a tiny head and tail. His or her eyes, ears and mouth have begun to form (though they're a little more Discovery Channel "creatures of the sea" documentary than Gerber Baby at this point).
Other exciting milestones include:
Your baby's heart is now beating to a regular beat, although it's still too faint to hear.
His or her arm buds are just beginning to, well, bud. They look like teensy swollen bumps at this point. In a few days, they'll resemble itsy-bitsy flippers.
Your baby has grown to ⅛ inch long-about the size of one of the chocolate sprinkles on your last cupcake (and your last ice cream cone, and your last sundae and your last giant cookie ... maybe there is something to those rumors about pregnancy cravings!).
*(No lie about the sweets. The "Double Doozie" I had on Monday probably wasn't a good idea, but the baby wanted it! J)
On another note, I had my belly touched for the first time by a co-worker today. How annoying! She's a good friend of mine, so it really didn't bother me. I just told her that it's just the fat that was there before! For all of the women out there...if I have ever touched your belly before you started to show, I'm so sorry!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Ode to My Little Sister on Her Birthday (tomorrow)!
Where do I even begin? We've loved and hated each other our entire lives, but that's what being a sibling is all about. Here are just a few things that I recall that make me laugh so hard I could cry and other memories that just stick out in my mind:
~You had a few nicknames that crack me up to this day….Dingy Spice and Tina Turner ring a bell?
~Playing Uno Attack at Mamo's and saying you were “sitting on threads and needles!” Ouch! Bet those threads really hurt!
~Walking into the Bocktoberfest and hearing a “Frank” Williams song being played.
~When Jaace was a baby, I threw a plastic strainer at you and hit him. He got a bloody nose all over the carpet, but you agreed to lie to Mom with me and said he did it himself.
~Our bicycle crash. I can't remember who was the cause of it. I was passing you or vice versa. One front tire and one back tire interlocked and down we went. You ended up with a fractured arm and blood everywhere. I was fine. Luckily, Dad's fatherly instincts kicked in and he rescued us. I have no idea what I would have done with you!
~You were always the runner of the family. Me, I only ran when I ABSOLUTELY had to. On our way from Mamo's to CCD one night, a large black dog started chasing us. I was behind you, yelling at you to run. Something came over me and I started running REALLY fast and blew past you as the dog was at your heels. Sorry for not being a very good big sister and staying behind you.
~At my bachelorette party, you took care of me and kept me from getting kicked out of Scooter's when I spilled my EXTREMELY large “jug” of trash can punch on the wood floors. You also kept putting my crown and veil back on my head when I would dance and it would fall off. You also let me pass out on you when we were coming back home.
~You and Jamie helped me up the stairs when I had a “spiker” stuck in my foot.
~I crack up at our wedding video every time we watch it. You caught the bouquet and we had a hilarious celebration afterwards. Instead of paying attention to Nick and I, you watched Thomas throughout the entire ceremony! I forgive you for that since he's now you're man and hopeful husband.
~Pottery Barn. Need I say more? One thing I miss the most about living with you in San Marcos was our DAILY trip to Pottery Barn. After all of our shopping, we'd convince ourselves that Dad would probably want us to go out to eat….his treat, as usual. This went on for quite some time. I'm sure he's glad that we are not living in the same town anymore.
Well, Jilly, this is all I can write due to the lack of time. Thank you for being an awesome little sister. You will always be “our little ray of sunshine!” Have a wonderful 24th birthday (tomorrow)! Love ya!
~You had a few nicknames that crack me up to this day….Dingy Spice and Tina Turner ring a bell?
~Playing Uno Attack at Mamo's and saying you were “sitting on threads and needles!” Ouch! Bet those threads really hurt!
~Walking into the Bocktoberfest and hearing a “Frank” Williams song being played.
~When Jaace was a baby, I threw a plastic strainer at you and hit him. He got a bloody nose all over the carpet, but you agreed to lie to Mom with me and said he did it himself.
~Our bicycle crash. I can't remember who was the cause of it. I was passing you or vice versa. One front tire and one back tire interlocked and down we went. You ended up with a fractured arm and blood everywhere. I was fine. Luckily, Dad's fatherly instincts kicked in and he rescued us. I have no idea what I would have done with you!
~You were always the runner of the family. Me, I only ran when I ABSOLUTELY had to. On our way from Mamo's to CCD one night, a large black dog started chasing us. I was behind you, yelling at you to run. Something came over me and I started running REALLY fast and blew past you as the dog was at your heels. Sorry for not being a very good big sister and staying behind you.
~At my bachelorette party, you took care of me and kept me from getting kicked out of Scooter's when I spilled my EXTREMELY large “jug” of trash can punch on the wood floors. You also kept putting my crown and veil back on my head when I would dance and it would fall off. You also let me pass out on you when we were coming back home.
~You and Jamie helped me up the stairs when I had a “spiker” stuck in my foot.
~I crack up at our wedding video every time we watch it. You caught the bouquet and we had a hilarious celebration afterwards. Instead of paying attention to Nick and I, you watched Thomas throughout the entire ceremony! I forgive you for that since he's now you're man and hopeful husband.
~Pottery Barn. Need I say more? One thing I miss the most about living with you in San Marcos was our DAILY trip to Pottery Barn. After all of our shopping, we'd convince ourselves that Dad would probably want us to go out to eat….his treat, as usual. This went on for quite some time. I'm sure he's glad that we are not living in the same town anymore.
Well, Jilly, this is all I can write due to the lack of time. Thank you for being an awesome little sister. You will always be “our little ray of sunshine!” Have a wonderful 24th birthday (tomorrow)! Love ya!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The belly
Last night I was reading Nick a book in bed that I bought the baby on Monday. It's called "The Night That You Were Born." I fell in love with it and can't wait to read it everyday to our baby. As we lay in bed we noticed how my lower abdomen is pooching (more than normal) but a rounded pooch. The time is already flying by to quickly.
One of my friends called me on and said she had a dream that we were having twins. She woke up and then had a nightmare. We had a set of one year old twins and were pregnant with another set of twins. Ahhh!
One of my friends called me on and said she had a dream that we were having twins. She woke up and then had a nightmare. We had a set of one year old twins and were pregnant with another set of twins. Ahhh!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Ode to My Husband on His Birthday!
I can hardly remember the days that you weren't in my life. It's as if we've known each other forever. You do so many things that make me happy every single day. Here are a few things that make me smile:
~Your good night and good morning snuggles and kisses make me warm inside.
~You tell me you love me over and over and over again.
~You tell me how beautiful I am every chance you get.
~You tell “Our Munchkin” that you love “him.” ;)
~When I had morning sickness, you held my hair!
~I drag you around shopping, and you hold the bags.
~Whenever my tummy hurts, you always know ice cream makes it better!
~You tell me “No” when I want something, but you always end up letting me have it!
~When we planned our wedding, you were wonderful, helpful, and supportive. You continue to tell me what a great job I did.
~You plan surprise weekends to San Marcos, plays, shopping, etc.
~You switched jobs because it wasn't fitting our lifestyle and I wasn't getting enough of you.
~You love my family and want to be around them as much as I do.
~You MAKE me drive your tractors and nothing good ever comes out of it. Either I nearly run you over, get them “stuck,” or do the gears wrong. You know not to yell at me or I will get off. It's always a mistake to ask me, but I think you do it just to get a good laugh.
~Same goes with cows…I run them into an open cotton field and you continue to ask for my help.
~You saved my life when we went scuba-diving in St. Lucia. I was so scared because we were with the “pros.” Thank God you knew to turn on the oxygen tank before I jumped in!
~Even though you'd rather eat somewhere else, you are ok with my weekly (or more) trips to Los Cucos.
~When we found out we were going to have a baby you laughed with me and hugged me.
~After we told your parents they were going to be grandparents, you told me that you were ready for this baby to come out immediately.
~You call my parents “Mom and Pop.”
The list goes on and on, but I only had a few minutes. Thank you for making my life beautiful. You are a wonderful, wonderful person and best of all, you're all mine. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, my love!
Love,
Jen and baby
~Your good night and good morning snuggles and kisses make me warm inside.
~You tell me you love me over and over and over again.
~You tell me how beautiful I am every chance you get.
~You tell “Our Munchkin” that you love “him.” ;)
~When I had morning sickness, you held my hair!
~I drag you around shopping, and you hold the bags.
~Whenever my tummy hurts, you always know ice cream makes it better!
~You tell me “No” when I want something, but you always end up letting me have it!
~When we planned our wedding, you were wonderful, helpful, and supportive. You continue to tell me what a great job I did.
~You plan surprise weekends to San Marcos, plays, shopping, etc.
~You switched jobs because it wasn't fitting our lifestyle and I wasn't getting enough of you.
~You love my family and want to be around them as much as I do.
~You MAKE me drive your tractors and nothing good ever comes out of it. Either I nearly run you over, get them “stuck,” or do the gears wrong. You know not to yell at me or I will get off. It's always a mistake to ask me, but I think you do it just to get a good laugh.
~Same goes with cows…I run them into an open cotton field and you continue to ask for my help.
~You saved my life when we went scuba-diving in St. Lucia. I was so scared because we were with the “pros.” Thank God you knew to turn on the oxygen tank before I jumped in!
~Even though you'd rather eat somewhere else, you are ok with my weekly (or more) trips to Los Cucos.
~When we found out we were going to have a baby you laughed with me and hugged me.
~After we told your parents they were going to be grandparents, you told me that you were ready for this baby to come out immediately.
~You call my parents “Mom and Pop.”
The list goes on and on, but I only had a few minutes. Thank you for making my life beautiful. You are a wonderful, wonderful person and best of all, you're all mine. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, my love!
Love,
Jen and baby
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